My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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