Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
