So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
