Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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