pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
