According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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