I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
