The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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