He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
