You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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