Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
