so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
