saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
