It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
