You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
