Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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