Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i need some magic done to my vagina
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