I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
