i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
