yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
