rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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