there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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