He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
