When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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