the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
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I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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