Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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