these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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