I'm lost and stupid without you.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
