I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
