I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
