I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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