This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Randomize
