it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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