I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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