your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
