The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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