Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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