I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
