I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
They are going to name an STD after you.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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