I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
