Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
