Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
