How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
