i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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