Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
