I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
