how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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