i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
