Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
we're so committed to being not committed
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
