I'm lost and stupid without you.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
