well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
