I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
