like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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