Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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