I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
