apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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