I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
