craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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