I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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