Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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