You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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