Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
