I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
