Welp...herpes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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