I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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