69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Found your dick twin last night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
