shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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