I cockslap morals
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
