You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
